it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
This is my gift to your gina
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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