i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
