We're facebook friends in real life
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
