the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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