i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
