Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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