Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
