just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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