I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
