Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
