He kissed a someone with a penis
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
