i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
