We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
