The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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