Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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