Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
