Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize