Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
wat bout pragnant strippers??
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
