Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
