so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My life is pants optional.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
