If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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