he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
