Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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