Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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