dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
