I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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