I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
