At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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