Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
