I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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