It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
