so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
and she was petting her beer can
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
