I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You are the jesus of drinking
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize