I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
