Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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