I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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