so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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