We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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