Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
