I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
