The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
