Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
