I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
