sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
