All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
