Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
