Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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