Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
