we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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