Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Randomize
