Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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