Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
