so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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