I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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