i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
