I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
