This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
