Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
