his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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